FLASH PARENTING:
POETRY FROM INSIDE A MOTHER'S HEAD

Flash Parenting was conceived in the darkest hours of one winter night, when Inna's then 3-year-old son decided it was time to wake up and play. The words and images came to Inna as she was struggling to get out of bed, and kept coming for weeks, months and years after.
It's now a book, which you can buy for all the parents you know (including your own).


 a playful child explodes with joy laughs and sings echoing through these walls. it's 4:06 AM. how did i get so lucky?

a playful child explodes with joy
laughs and sings
echoing through these walls.
it's 4:06 AM.
how did i get so lucky?


 an earring is not lost until three poos have turned up empty.

an earring is not lost until
three poos have turned up empty.


 seat 26A. prepare for departure. does this window open? just wondering.

seat 26A.
prepare for departure.
does this window open?
just wondering.


 there is no knowing nature’s ways and what the future holds. or when this shrieking will subside.

there is no knowing nature’s ways
and what the future holds.
or when
this shrieking will subside.


 this bright silk shawl, a tender gift. a sign of love not lost. an excellent nose wipe.

this bright silk shawl,
a tender gift.
a sign of love not lost.
an excellent nose wipe.


 in my hand a soft, steaming, glistening turd. nice save!

in my hand
a soft, steaming, glistening
turd.
nice save!


 in the palm of your little hand you have my heart and my soul and my life. but you can’t have my iPhone.

in the palm of your little hand
you have my heart
and my soul
and my life.
but you can’t have my iPhone.


 at last! a fleeting moment of serenity and calm. a chance for self-reflection. this bathroom needs a scrub.

at last!
a fleeting moment of serenity and calm.
a chance for self-reflection.
this bathroom needs a scrub.


 an earring is not lost until three poos have turned up empty.

an earring is not lost until
three poos have turned up empty.


 a birthday party! with ice cream, cookies, cake and chocolates, and candy! i really hoped to miss it.

a birthday party!
with ice cream, cookies, cake
and chocolates, and candy!
i really hoped to miss it.


    the scary monster, the evil witch the deadly ghost, the big bad wolf – all want you please to eat your peas.

 

the scary monster, the evil witch
the deadly ghost, the big bad wolf –
all want you please
to eat your peas.


       aw, what a sweet, sweet boy you are right now. now, cut the crap – what do you really want?

 

 

aw, what a sweet, sweet boy you are right now.
now, cut the crap –
what do you really want?


    how many times can i say “no”! just try me.

 

how many times can i say “no”!
just try me.


    yeah, sure, let’s get a dog! and maybe we'll build a little house in the back where i can live.

 

yeah, sure, let’s get a dog!
and maybe we'll build
a little house in the back
where i can live.


    another masterpiece created by your little hand. i’d cherish it for life if only i remembered where i put it.

 

another masterpiece created by your little hand.
i’d cherish it for life
if only i remembered where i put it.


    to end all wars to stay forever young to leave the house on time – ‘tis but a dream

 

to end all wars
to stay forever young
to leave the house on time –
‘tis but a dream


    i don’t know how, but in some way your questions and my headache are related.

 

i don’t know how, but in some way
your questions and my headache
are related.


    another mother doesn’t scold or make you brush your teeth or clean your mess. that other mother also lives on Pluto.

 

another mother doesn’t scold
or make you brush your teeth
or clean your mess.
that other mother also lives on Pluto.


    there is a place where you're free to be as wild and wicked as you like. it's called "your room".

 

there is a place where you're free
to be as wild and wicked as you like.
it's called "your room".

    go on, take on the world in all its endless glory! don’t ever be afraid and don’t look back. just pee before you go.

 

go on, take on the world in all its endless glory!
don’t ever be afraid and don’t look back.
just pee before you go.


    i hear a piercing wail rolling through this lovely party  and celebrate that it’s another sucker’s kid.

 

i hear a piercing wail
rolling through this lovely party
and celebrate
that it’s another sucker’s kid.


    this arts and crafts activity requires that i use a drink.

 

this arts and crafts activity
requires that i use a drink.


    it is a tough, tough choice ‘tween sex and laundry.

 

it is a tough, tough choice
‘tween sex and laundry.


    what would you like for dinner besides the little ball you found in your nose?

 

what would you like for dinner
besides the little ball
you found in your nose?


    at this ungodly, wretched hour, i take great comfort in the thought that some day, someone will also puke on you.

 

at this ungodly, wretched hour,
i take great comfort in the thought
that some day, someone
will also puke on you.


    hey sisyphus, you think you have it rough? come by my house at six.

 

hey sisyphus,
you think you have it rough?
come by my house at six.

    a mother’s intuition tells me this isn’t water on the floor.

 

a mother’s intuition tells me
this isn’t water on the floor.


    a dire tragedy is just an ice cream bowl away from boundless bliss.

 

a dire tragedy
is just an ice cream bowl away
from boundless bliss.


    for all the things i’ve done for you, you owe me one at least: when i’m old and grey, please remember where i put my phone.

 

for all the things i’ve done for you,
you owe me one at least:
when i’m old and grey,
please remember
where i put my phone.


    just two more spoons, and i promise we’re done. one… one-point–o-two… one–3G… one–3GS… …and – you’re done!

 

just two more spoons,
and i promise we’re done.
one…
one-point–o-two…
one–3G…
one–3GS…
…and – you’re done!


    let's walk this way and then that way then stop and walk the other way. in fact, you go – i'm ok to stay.

 

let's walk this way
and then that way
then stop
and walk the other way.
in fact, you go –
i'm ok to stay.


    you are a precious gift but just so you know – i've kept the gift receipt.

 

you are a precious gift
but just so you know –
i've kept the gift receipt.


    of course we'll play this song again! let's just pull over first – i think it would be better if i didn't drive.

 

of course we'll play this song again!
let's just pull over first –
i think it would be better
if i didn't drive.


    sometimes, i'm not so sure where your whimper ends and mine begins.

 

sometimes, i'm not so sure
where your whimper ends
and mine begins.


    the iPad battery is dead. i swear.

 

the iPad battery is dead.
i swear.


    don't take it wrong, but sometimes, i wish you were a girl.

 

don't take it wrong,
but sometimes,
i wish you were a girl.


    "uhm, mom…how come it matters how i hold my spoon?"

 

"uhm, mom…how come it matters
how i hold my spoon?"


    now, for the 100th time, i'll only say this once...

 

now, for the 100th time,
i'll only say this once...


    oh, what's a little rumble between boys. next time, let's bring some chainsaws – just for fun.

 

oh, what's a little rumble between boys.
next time, let's bring some chainsaws –
just for fun.


    "uhm, mom…if sharing is important, why won't you share your phone?"

 

"uhm, mom…if sharing is important,
why won't you share your phone?"


    the ice cream shop sign says, "closed till' after dinner." i swear.

 

the ice cream shop sign says,
"closed till' after dinner."
i swear.


    there's nothing on TV - you see? the screen is blue! I swear.

 

there's nothing on TV -
you see?
the screen is blue!
I swear.


    let them who never say, "because i said so" endure a lifetime of regret.

 

let them who never say,
"because i said so"
endure a lifetime of regret.


    too bad you're full – i picked up ice cream for dessert.

 

too bad you're full –
i picked up ice cream for dessert.


    your energy's contagious! you should be quarantined.

 

your energy's contagious!
you should be quarantined.


    a breakfast-out for a family of four requires that we bring our own supplies.

 

a breakfast-out for a family of four
requires that we bring our own supplies.


    the world may end but we'll stand together, united by the joy of farts.

 

the world may end
but we'll stand together,
united by the joy of farts.


    i may be ready for eyeglasses, but the back of my head is still a solid 20-20.

 

i may be ready for eyeglasses,
but the back of my head is still a solid 20-20.



    of course my love, let's buy another toy! and thus complete this spare parts collection.

 

of course my love, let's buy another toy!
and thus complete
this spare parts collection.


    this ball of superhero stickers has the superpower to rid my pocket of every single crumb.

 

this ball of superhero stickers
has the superpower
to rid my pocket
of every single crumb.


    it is a fact, my love– your brain grows bigger when your mouth's closed.

 

it is a fact, my love–
your brain grows bigger
when your mouth's closed.


    psst! can you keep a secret? this isn't really spinach. so eat, but don't tell ANYONE. i swear.

 

psst!
can you keep a secret?
this isn't really spinach.
so eat, but don't tell ANYONE.
i swear.


 "uhm, mommy? how come you don't say 'please' when you ask me to get dressed?"

"uhm, mommy?
how come you don't say 'please'
when you ask me
to get dressed?"


    go ahead and doodle on another wall. just let my head get out of the way.

 

go ahead and doodle on another wall.
just let my head get out of the way.


    yes, 'tis true, we all will die. now, what was it you said about farts?

 

yes, 'tis true, we all will die.
now, what was it you said
about farts?


    i don't know where you get that from, but i never, ever, EVER pick my nose.

 

i don't know where you get that from,
but i never, ever, EVER
pick my nose.


    fool me once – shame on you. fool me twice – shame on you and no dessert.

 

fool me once – shame on you.
fool me twice –
shame on you and no dessert.


    i see you've finally discovered all my buttons.

 

i see you've finally discovered
all my buttons.


    i really want to tell you that i love you, but you're busy peeing, so i won't.

 

i really want to tell you that i love you,
but you're busy peeing,
so i won't.


    i scream you scream we all scream for some peace and quiet.

 

i scream
you scream
we all scream
for some peace and quiet.


    as long as i'm still asked to wipe your nose i'll kiss and squeeze you as much as i damn please.

 

as long as i'm still asked to wipe your nose
i'll kiss and squeeze you
as much as i damn please.


    if you don't need to wear the helmet then you don't need to ride the bike.

 

if you don't need to wear the helmet
then you don't need to ride the bike.


    this mother's day, just like my mother and her mother's mother and her mother's mother's mother i'd really like some sleep.

 

this mother's day,
just like my mother
and her mother's mother
and her mother's mother's mother
i'd really like some sleep.


    let's all accept that for the next six hours we will be "almost there".

 

let's all accept
that for the next six hours
we will be "almost there".


    you had me at "excuse me."

 

you had me
at "excuse me."


    let's have another piece of cake so that you have the energy to kick more walls.

 

let's have another piece of cake
so that you have the energy
to kick more walls.


    remember all those times when you were begging for a brother? well, here you are.

 

remember all those times
when you were begging
for a brother?
well, here you are.


    i don't need coffee to wake me up – i got your elbows and my ribs.

 

i don't need coffee to wake me up –
i got your elbows and my ribs.

Flash Parenting
By Inna Gertsberg